


You Wanted More

by NorthernSoulPie



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Dragon Age Reverse Big Bang, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 03:49:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5359982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthernSoulPie/pseuds/NorthernSoulPie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snapshots throughout Hawke's and Fenris's tumultuous relationship.  For the 2015 Dragon Age Reverse Big Bang. Based on a wonderful (and super fitting for Fenris/Hawke!) mix by therealfrankenberry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [DABB2](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/162434) by therealfrankenberry. 



The Wounded Coast always looked lovely in the late afternoon. The warm sunlight gave the sand dunes a strange, ethereal glow, bestowing the beautiful coastline with even more of a wild and dangerous appearance. Hawke liked coming out here, even though its other visitors would try to kill them on sight, more often than not. There was always some kind of illegal machinations happening in its dunes, or in one of the complex sea caves spotted along the coastline. Still, that little caveat just made the place even more interesting in her opinion. There was a different murderous surprise waiting for them, every time they came; Tal-Vashoth, slavers, giant spiders. It was hard to imagine a time when one didn’t get fully battle-ready for a trip to the seaside.

She glanced at her choice of travelling companion for this trip; Isabella was flicking around one of her wicked daggers while she walked, stopping occasionally, hand raised to block the sun from her eyes, to peer at one of the many shipwrecks dotted along the coast. Anders was busying himself by making sure he never missed a chance to shoot a dirty look at Fenris, whenever the elf wasn’t looking. This wasn’t a particularly hard task for him though, as Fenris seemed to take extra care not to acknowledge the Mage’s existence today. Perhaps that was a good thing, she thought, at least a stony silence meant they weren’t ripping each other to shreds. She didn’t know if she had the patience to listen to another one of their rows today, it was the first time she’d brought Fenris along on an assignment, after he’d… he’d…

_NO! Nope, not thinking about that._

 

At least he had the courtesy to look vaguely miserable the entire time, she’d even caught him peering sadly at her before scowling and turning away. Bastard. Still, at least he’d agreed to come today, that was something. If they couldn’t be together in THAT way, at least they could remain allies, if not friends. She would never have lived with herself if he had left Kirkwall for good because of her.

She kicked herself for brooding once again, Hawke was heartily sick of making herself miserable all the time. And if he chose to mope over their brief (very, very brief) affair? Fine, that was his prerogative. She was almost over the whole nonsense anyway.

She scolded herself for letting her mind wander back to him again. It was a lovely afternoon, and they were out on an easy job in her favourite place. Even better, Orana had been threatening to make one of her now legendary hog roasts for dinner tonight, after which she’d have a few glasses of expensive wine, sat next to a roaring fire before bed. The day had been a good one so far, and it promised even more for later.

 

“You know what Fenris, I can’t imagine what Hawke sees in you.” …

aaand there her good day went. Fenris stopped dead in his tracks;

“It is done, leave it be.”

Despite her previous thoughts to the contrary, that hurt. She knew whatever it was that they had… was over, but hearing him say it finally made the lump in her throat thicken.

“Well good, I always knew she had some sense.”

_Anders, please do shut the fuck up._

“Do not make light of this. Leaving was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

His voice seemed to crack on the last syllable, and her traitorous heart ached at the sound. Perhaps she wasn’t ‘almost over it’. Why couldn’t Fenris have told her how hard it was for him earlier? The way he’d left suddenly with little explanation, and the lack of contact afterwards, had made her believe he didn’t give a damn. It was not seeing him which hurt the most. Not that the time apart seemed to bother him, he’d become a recluse again after that night. If she’d have known her invisibility would not make a difference, she would have run around screaming at the top of her voice. The lump in her throat suddenly threatened to rise up and out her mouth as a sob. But she was made of stronger stuff than that, and she’d rot before she cried in front of him a second time. She felt Isabella’s curious gaze travel over her but couldn’t quite bring herself to look back.

“Oh, will you two get over yourselves? You’re like two dogs around a bitch in heat.”

_Oh Maker NO_

Fenris snapped around to face her, the tall elf hunching down slightly to threaten the buxom pirate at eye level.

“We were talking about Hawke, not you.”

“Ooh, touchy today aren’t we elf?”

“One more word and I’ll snap you like-“

Isabella wrinkled her nose, “Like what you silly man? Like you did Hawke’s heart?”

“HEY!”

the three of them turned to face Hawke, faces blank in astonishment. She hadn’t realised she’d screamed bloody murder until they were all staring at her. Time to shut them all up for good.

“This conversation is finished, right now. We have rogue Qunari to deal with and you guys are really starting to get on my nerves, so I suggest you all shut up and start playing nicely. Oh, and if any of you mention this, EVER again, I’ll feed you all to Dog, do you understand?”

The three of them gaped a second longer while she waited, arms crossed and an eyebrow raised, as if daring them to give a smart answer back. Isabella seemed to catch up first, followed by a very cagey looking Anders. Fenris continued to stare at her, looking at once slightly dumbfounded and more than a little ashamed.

“Sorry Hawke, y’know, about the whole ‘bitch in heat’ thing…”

“I apologise.”

“Sorry”

She sniffed loudly;

“Thank you, now let’s get back to it shall we?”

Hawke swept passed them, robes fluttering helplessly behind her as she strode ahead. At least Dog never commented on her pitiful state of love life. Dog would get extra roast Hog leftovers tonight, she decided. He was by far, her favourite travelling companion.


	2. Chapter 2

“You know, you could go anywhere you like, now.” Isabella leant forward as she spoke, somehow managing to make her generous cleavage look even more tempting. He’d be lying if he said he’d never noticed her breasts before, but all they seemed to remind him now was of was anoth…

He quickly shook himself, flicking his gaze back up and praying she did not notice. In another world, another life (one where he’d certainly never met a certain Mage), Isabella would have been a tempting lay. Maker knows she spent enough time flirting with him.

It would have been so easy, to give in and enjoy some carefree sex with a friend. It would just be another part of his new-found freedom to enjoy, along with drinking too much wine and brawling with drunk humans outside the Hanged man. There would be no raw emotion or horrible memories to overcome him, just as he reached his ending.

 He cringed deeply, replaying the moment over in his mind for probably the thousandth time.

 

_He is shocked still for a moment, as he considers how beautiful his Hawke is. She writhes beneath him, white skin and coal black hair in such striking contrast from his own. Her face is flushed, eyes closed and teeth nipping her bottom lip as she whimpers desperately. He stoops down a little to kiss the red swipe painted across her nose. He loves the peculiar mark she paints on every day, it’s a warning to her enemies, reminds them that she wears their blood as a badge of honour. And yet somehow it makes her look utterly adorable._

_She opens her eyes and smiles gently at him, brow dipped in confusion as to why he’s stopped. He continues slowly, ignoring her pleading and the scoring of her nails on his back to go faster. It turns him on even more to get her so frustrated, it’s his own special payback for the way she irritates him every day in a million different little ways. He feels his own pleasure building as she moans softly into his ear. Finally she goes rigid, nails digging into his shoulders as she cries out. It is her end which finally pushes him over the edge, he gently pulls back her hair to look in her eyes as he is undone._

_Suddenly, an ice cold grip crushes his lungs and he falls paralysed into her arms. He barely registers her snuggling into his side and falling asleep, he’s too far gone in his grief to even notice. The long forgotten faces of his family flash before his eyes and he is gripped with fear. He remembers everything._

 

Fenris took a long sip of his wine. Of course spending the night with Hawke would have shaken him to his core, he shouldn’t have expected any less from her. If only he hadn’t have ran, he could have explained, somehow…

 

A loud snapping breaks him from his thoughts.

“Hey! Broody? Are you even listening to me?”

“Yes, I am well aware that I do not need to stay in Kirkwall any longer.”

Isabella rolled her eyes dramatically and tuts.

“Charming as always… Oh! You could become a raider! You could join my crew!”

“The crew of your non-existent ship?”

He felt a little guilt as her face fell slightly for a moment.

“Well, with that attitude you’re never going anywhere, are you?”

And with that, she strode out of the room, nearly crashing into Hawke hovering around the entrance. Fenris felt his stomach as he met Hawke’s confused gaze. Guilt bloomed thickly as he tried to hurry away his earlier thoughts of their only night together. It was always hard to meet her gaze after revisiting those memories, and his broken mind liked to travel there often. Looking straight at Hawke felt like staring into the sun, and he was blinded but for the image of her.

He shook away such fanciful thoughts as she approached, the wine was obviously playing with his head tonight.

 

“She doesn’t understand.” He motioning after Isabella. “Yes I am free, Danarius is dead. Yet… it doesn’t fell as it should.”

Hawke smiled crookedly, “Seems like you should be dancing for joy.”

_Sarcastic Bitch._

“I would have thought so. I thought that if I didn’t have to run and fight to stay alive, I would finally be able to live as a free man does. But how is that? My sister is gone, and I have nothing – not even an enemy.”

“You’re not reminiscing about the good old days of being hunted, I hope?”

He gave a small chuckle. Even when he was pouring out his darkest thoughts, she could still make him laugh. It was miles better than sympathy.

 “Well… I wouldn’t go that far. It’s just different to overlook the stain that magic has left on my life. If I seem bitter, it’s not without cause. Perhaps it is time to move forward. I just don’t know where that leads, do you?”

 

Hawke lowered her eyes, she seemed nervous almost? It was most out of character for her.

“Fenris, I… where ever it leads, I hope it means we will stay together.”

She still wanted him, he realised, even after these past three years apart.  Even after he’d left her naked and silently crying into her bed covers. No, she probably meant she wished they’d stay as companions. She was very close to her group of friends, and he would consider himself lucky to still be counted in that group.

His heart sank at the thought, there was no way he could simply remain her friend. He’d tried every day for the past three years to convince himself that they were too damaged for anything to work between them. No person in their right mind would love him, and he was far too broken to love anyone in return.

No, the dalliance they had shared was merely that. It didn’t bother him to say this wasn’t love, because if you didn’t want to talk about it then it wasn’t love. But he knew that was a lie, and after the past three years of grieving and guilt plaguing his every waking minute, he was done.

“That is my hope as well.”

Hawke’s lips fell apart ever so slightly in surprise, and despite his nerves he chuckled quietly to himself. It was not a common occurrence that one could surprise the usually overconfident Marian Hawke.

 And he was about to surprise her even more, it was time for the conversation he’d been both desperately hoping and dreading for what felt like decades. Her eyes suddenly seemed to burn through his own, so he focussed instead on her hands folded in her lap.

“We have never discussed what happened between us three years ago.”

“You didn’t want to talk about it.”

“I felt like a fool. I thought it better if you hated me – I deserved no less… But Maker knows it isn’t better.”

 

His annoyance with his past actions forced him out of his chair, yet seeing her so close and so unguarded made him step cautiously towards her.

“That night…” the words failed him “I – I remember your touch as if it were yesterday. I should have asked your forgiveness long ago, I hope you can forgive me now.”

“I need to understand why you left Fenris.”

He shook his head, “I’ve thought about the answer a thousand times. The pain, the memories it brought up… it was too much. I didn’t think about all the ways I’d hurt you and myself, I was a coward. If I could go back, I would stay. Tell you how I felt.”

“What would you have said?” Hawke asked quietly.

“That nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you.”

Her eyebrows shot up again in surprise. Yes, he was rather good at unnerving her if nothing else. She peered down, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth, seeming to consider her answer. Finally she looked up at him, a steely determined look searing straight into his chest.

“I understand Fenris, I always understood.”

He barely dared to breathe, as she rose quickly from her chair and pulled herself toward him. Her gaze drifted from his own to his lips, as he wrapped his arms around her and gripped her body tightly. As Hawke pressed herself into him, he sighed, blissfully happy and desperate to reclaim her as his own once again. Closing his eyes as she edged closer to kiss him, he waited patiently for her beautiful painted lips to fall upon his, but they never came. Warily, he opened his eyes to see her lopsided smug grin still inches from him.

 

“Though, I don’t know, this might be fun to hold over you a while longer.”

He was going to _kill_ her.

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Hawke awoke with a jolt, quickly scanning her unknown surroundings to try to piece together where she was.  She racked her memories for the familiar looking bedroom, until the realisation hit her.

_Fenris’s bedroom. Last night we…oh, oh._

She smiled, the memories of last night settling around her like sweet morning dew on blades of grass. She had pined for him every day since that last night together, enjoying his uneasy new friendship yet never daring hope for more. She had figured their brief night together would forever remain a bitter-sweet memory.

 

But then last night, she had been walking back home to High town, when she had found her way blocked by his borrowed mansion.  Her many trips around Kirkwall often lead her to walk past his home, it always seemed to be conveniently on her route (even if it was well out of her way as Varric had once helpfully supplied). Hawke had longed to simply call in for an unplanned visit, just as they used to before things got difficult. As she ambled past, she’d always taken in every detail of its facade, desperately hoping to gain some small insight into the status of its owner, now that they hardly talked. It wasn’t THAT creepy, just a little pathetic, but she was only looking for a shortcut home. It was… complicated.

Something inside her had snapped, they were _friends_ now damn it, and it wasn’t unusual for friends to call on one another unexpected. Luckily for her, it just so happened that something inside Fenris had finally snapped that night too. And it had led to a very unexpected night indeed.

 

 

A grunt from close behind her pulled her back into the present. His brown, tattooed arm folded itself neatly around her stomach and pulled her into his bare chest. The quiet snoring into the back of her neck told her he was still fast asleep. She decided it was most adorable that the usually violent and always aggressive elf snored gently in his sleep.  And it would definitely be used to wind him up thoroughly once he’d woken up, but for now it was incredibly endearing.

The bright morning sunlight blazed through the bedroom window, illuminating the mess of clothing and armour scattered haphazardly around the room. Fenris’s bedroom greatly resembled the Kirkwall rubbish tip; stacks of half-burnt candles littered the floor with dried wax, whilst piles of frayed bedding and assorted pieces of armour covered the floor. Worryingly, the only thing that seemed to have any semblance of order was the impressive collection of empty wine bottles stood neatly arranged in the corner.

Retrieving her clothing from that mess would be a tricky task, but one for much later in the day she decided, snuggling further under the warm bed covers.

 

 She thought of how different this day started to her usual routine. Dog would probably be wondering where she was right now, He prided himself on barking her awake each morning, in greedy anticipation of his morning bowl of dog treats.

 

Hawke groaned, remembering she had made plans to help Anders collect ingredients for some kind of new big spell he’d discovered. Her gleeful plans for a lazy day at Fenris’s home ‘sans-robes’ were cruelly fizzling away before her eyes. Grumbling softly to herself, she hastily made plans to collect Merrill and Varric along the way to the clinic before midday.

Carefully lifting the heavy arm off her torso, she carefully wriggled away from Fenris, cursing leaving his warmth. After dressing quickly, she leant over Fenris to wake him.

“Fenris.”

He didn’t stir so she repeated herself a few times, getting louder each time, before shaking him gently. After he still didn’t stir, and becoming quite frustrated at the comatose man, she shook him rather vigorously.

 

“Fenris!”

His eyes snapped open and he grabbed her arms in a vice-like grip, pinning her arms to her sides as he rose up, tattoo’s glowing in silent rage. She’d made a mistake.

“Wait! Fenris it’s me, Hawke.”

His arms fell from hers and a look of horror spread across his face as he sank back onto the bed.

“Venhedis, Hawke... I’m sorry... I…”

“No, look I’m fine. I shouldn’t have woken you up like that.”

She sat down neatly on the covers next to him. Fenris was facing away from her, clearly ashamed at his reaction.  After what seemed like an eternity, he looked back at her.

“Hadriana used to… use force to wake me. I guess that some of the memories still linger.”

“I’m sorry Fenris, I should have thought”

“And I apologise, I don’t want you to feel wary of your every action around me. I trust you, and only you.”

He grimaced slightly, but followed it quickly with a small reassuring smile.

“Let’s not spoil last night with small misunderstandings.” His smile fell when he noticed her attire, “But, you’re saying goodbye it seems?”

“Yes, I promised Anders I’d help him gather some spell ingredients today.”

 

Hawke swore she could physically sense the argument brewing, the morning was not going at all how she hoped when she first awoke. Fenris wrapped the covers tightly around his stomach, face growing into an impressive scowl.

“Ah, so you’re leaving me to spend an afternoon with the abomination?”

_Not quite as threatening when you’re half-naked, grouch._

She smiled, sensing an opportunity to wind him up now that the earlier serious stuff was now out of the way

"Well yes actually, I promised him I’d help today. You’re not jealous are you Fenris?”

His eyes narrowed dangerously, “Do not toy with me on this Hawke. It is not jealousy that makes me dislike that man, he’s becoming unhinged, dangerous.”

“Says the man who rips people’s hearts out.”

He shook his head in disbelief, “Your friendship blinds you to his true madness. I do not envy him, if anything I pity him. He’ll hurt his friends, just as he hurt that girl being taken by the Templars.”

 

He was right in a way she thought. Anders was becoming less interested in anything but his Mage rebellion, he was even starting to abandon his beloved clinic. It was an argument they’d had many times, but finally Anders had told her he’d found a solution. There was a spell that could separate him and Justice, it was complicated and no doubt very dangerous. But, if it meant Anders returned to the caring mage he’d once been, then surely the mystery spell was worth the risk?

She’d tried to explain as much to Fenris once, not that he’d ever see it that way. And Hawke was wholeheartedly sick of trying to explain her reasoning, yet again. She wouldn’t let him bait her into another argument, not after the joy of last night.

 

She pouted, dropping her voice to a sultry tone; “Well you shouldn’t be jealous.”

He raised a single eyebrow at her change of tone.

“Oh?”

“Yep, turns out I never could resist a man with tattoos.”

He chuckled deeply, “You worry me sometimes Hawke.”

And with that he pounced. With one end of the bed cover in each hand, he leapt forward and wrapped the cover around Hawke before she had a chance to react.  He had securely wrapped it around her so that both arms were pinned to her sides. She wriggled around in her bedding cocoon, trying to free an arm to wrestle back with him, but she was completely trapped.

“I think I should be more worried of you. So what are you going to do with me now that I’m ensnared?”

His joyful grin turned predatory as he moved over her, placing his hands either side of her head. Painfully slowly, he began kissing around her ear and down her exposed neck. She whimpered without realising, and felt him smile wickedly into her skin.

“Promise me something Fenris?”

“Mm?”

“Promise me you won’t stop when I say when?”

His mouth opened and closed as he struggled to form a reply.

“Ignore that, bit not good. OK then, promise me you’ll hold me until the others have to send out a search party?”

“Deal.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

“You were right.”

“Hawke, we don’t have time for this. We need to leave NOW.”

She stared at him blankly, hugging her arms around herself while a whimpering Dog nudged her elbow with his nose. Seeing her so despondent worried him quite a bit. Seeing her ignore Dog’s demands for strokes worried him even more so. This wasn’t like her at all.

“You were right all along.” She said tonelessly, “I’m actually rather surprised you haven’t said as much already.”

He turned quickly from her, deciding to busy himself packing her bag for her. It wouldn’t be long before somebody turned up for Hawke, and there was no way he could fight off the sheer amount of people that would blame her for Kirkwall's fall now. Meredith’s Templars had refused to listen to Hawke’s side of the story; desperate for someone to pay for Anders crime, and so they’d gone for his closest ally instead. As if Hawke would have wanted an all-out war in the streets she called home. She’d loved this city as though it were her own child, and now it was going to turn on her like a rabid dog. The ‘Champion of Kirkwall’ would be slaughtered in her beloved streets if they faltered any longer.

 

“Go on then Fenris.” There was a dangerous undertone to her voice. “You usually never miss a beat when it comes to pointing out my many failures. I bet you’re dying to say ‘ _I told you so_.’ aren’t you?”

It was a statement more than a question. He dropped the cloak he was holding into her pack and sighed, “Please Hawke, that is not my wish at all.”

He knew she was lashing out at him through no fault of his own, hell he’d done it enough times to her during the past 10 years to recognise the signs. He was well aware she’d be hating herself inside whilst saying these things, but they wouldn’t stop pouring out until she cracked.

 He’d never been on the receiving end of somebody’s grief though, that was a new one. He suspected it was also Hawke’s own feelings of guilt which made her act so out of character.  

 

“Another foul deed committed by a mage’s hand, perhaps the chantry is right, maybe we should be locked away forever. Left to rot.”

_Please stop, my love._

“Hawke…”

“But I’m different, aren’t I Fenris? I can be trusted for some unknown reason. You’d happily turn over every mage in Kirkwall to the Templars, but never me. Won’t you tell me why that is?”

“I’m not going to answer that.”

“You know, I’ve always wondered why I got a free pass, while you raged upon Anders and Merrill constantly…”

 

She paused, staring silently at him while he continued to pack clothing and supplies for the two of them. He didn’t know which he liked better, the bitter silence or the uncomfortable accusations. He knew he’d have to get them out of Kirkwall before daybreak, he just hoped Hawke would be in a better state of mind when they ran. It would make their escape that much harder if she continued to act as inane as she was currently. If he could just make her see how they needed to pull together to get away.

 

“You would have fought for Meredith if it weren’t for me.”

_Yes._

The realisation was clearly a painful one for her. She stood shaking, eyes glaring at him in abject horror as his silence answered for him. Of course he would have fought against the mages if not for her.  Though he had changed his stance on magic since his arrival in Kirkwall, fighting for them had still been… difficult.

 

“I would have done, yes.”

She gasped, “Then why not tonight? Because you love me?”

 

His mind reeled. Hands shaking, he gripped the pack in front of him and tried to fight the rising panic in his stomach. His decision to fight the Templars would have been unthinkable not so long ago. How differently the night would have ended if he had chosen them as his ally. It struck him how much his feelings had changed, yet in a way he still fully believed his old self had been right about magic.

The sheer destruction caused by Anders showed him he would never truly trust magic. Nor the ones who wielded it. Never fully.

“Yes. No…. It’s more complicated than that.”

“Tell me.”

“…we don’t have time. There’s going to be an angry mob at the door any moment now, and I will not be able to protect you from all of them. We must leave.”

“Please, tell me why.”

“Because it was the right thing to do.”

The words had left his mouth before he’d even considered his answer. Hawke’s face fell in shock, and a small part of him revelled in unseating the usually cock-sure mage.

“What...”

“You ask me if I fought alongside the very people I’ve despised all my life because I love you. Well that is true, but only because you’ve helped me see that I was too narrow in my thinking before. Because of Danarius and Hadriana, I saw all magic as evil, a single cause of all the world’s problems. But you showed me that it isn’t that simple. Magic is simply power, a weapon the same as any sword or arrow. It wasn’t a spell that killed the Grand Divine tonight, it was Anders – or Justice or whatever in Andraste’s name that bloody creature is.”

He blew out the breath he was holding, feeling the resolution clear his head, “I fought the Templars because I love you, but also because those men and women in the Circle deserve the chance to show that they aren’t Anders. They should be given that one opportunity at the very least. But that is a task the abomination has now made much more difficult for them to do.”

 

Anger flared under his skin, burning his chest almost painfully as he thought of Anders. He desperately wished he had been able to stab the man through his black heart, but Hawke had decided to let him live, and even let him fight alongside them. He didn’t resent her that choice, but he certainly would not have made the same one in her place. Despite his earlier speech on mages, there was one he would have deeply enjoyed taking all opportunities away from. But now wasn’t the time for such thoughts, not while they were in danger.

Hawke stared at him, quiet as a mouse. She looked tired, sick almost and covered in dirt, but so impossibly beautiful. No matter what he thought of her decisions, he’d love her regardless, and that hurt.

“Fenris… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have…”

“Come here.”

 

He swept her into his arms, kissing the top of her head to calm her as she snuffled wetly into his chest.

“It’s OK, everything will be OK Marian.”

She stared up at him, blue eyes shining with some emotion he could not dare to name.

“We have to leave Kirkwall for good, don’t we?”

“Yes, though I don’t know where to just yet. I guess we shall figure that out on the road.”

She gave a weak smile, squeezing him a shade tighter with affection which made him inexplicably happier.

“You know, I hear the Anderfels are simply divine at this time of the year.”

“…You do know the Chantry has a rather large presence there don’t you?”

She shrugged nonchalantly.

 “And please say you didn’t just use divine as a pun Hawke…”


	5. Chapter 5

“We can’t keep doing this Fenris, one of us is going to get killed.”

Fenris sat down heavily on the on the flimsy inn chair, purposely ignoring her. He was exhausted, probably much more so than he was already letting on. Yet he seemed determined to get them both to the Anderfels in record time. She hadn't really put much thought into where they’d flee to, only picking the Anderfels as it was the furthest place she could think of away from the Free Marches.  

Fenris had decided from the get-go that he was now in charge of their journey, and that he’d keep Hawke safe _no matter the cost_ , even if he ran them both ragged in the process. He’d baulked at the idea of sleeping in inns, preferring their chilly, stolen tent until she had put her foot down finally in the city of Cumberland.

The road from Kirkwall to Nevarra had been a long one, and it had felt longer still as each one of their friends had gone on their separate ways. Anders had taken off in the middle of night, leaving only a small note hinting that he was travelling to Weisshaupt on ‘Warden Business’. Merrill and Aveline had both stayed in Kirkwall, promising to write to her with any news, or warn her if the need arose. Meanwhile, Varric had not stayed in Kirkwall as expected. Instead, he’d joined a fledging resistance organisation in Ferelden, and was now following a new ‘trail-blazer’ in Thedas (as he’d put it in his letters, Hawke would be lying if she had said she wasn't jealous of his new mysterious friend, he was HER best friend, damn him).

 

“Ignoring me Fenris? Very mature!”

She tried not to sigh out loud, avoiding another argument was probably wise as they were both so damn tired. Kneeling slowly in front of him, Hawke took his hands gently in hers.

“If we keep doing this, _you’re_ going to get yourself killed you silly elf.”

He snorted angrily, pulling his hands from hers and running one through his white hair.

“Shall I just let our enemies take us then Hawke? Is that what you’d prefer after surviving so much in Kirkwall?”

She leant back from him, feeling her annoyance rise sharply. The elf had a nasty habit of riling her up when no one else ever could. It was how she knew he was different from any other man she’d ever met when she first encountered him all those years ago. Anybody else who tried to rile Hawke just got a sarcastic retort, no one could ever REALLY get her angry. Apart from him that was.

 

“Nobody is coming after us anymore Fenris, I know it’s hard to believe but it’s true. The Chantry just isn’t looking for us with everything that’s going on in the South.”

“We don’t know that…”

“Yes, yes we do! I’m not suggesting we start announcing our presence to every Tom, Dick and Harry that we meet, Maker knows there’s still probably a pretty long line of people that wants to see us dead. But we aren’t being hunted anymore, the Chantry is too busy trying to stay alive to look for us. With everything that’s going on with the Mage/Templar fight, and the demons swarming in Orlais… we’re just going to slip away unseen, trust me.”

She placed her hands gingerly onto his knees and smiled gently. He looked surprised, face softening for a split second before his mouth set into its usual grim line.

“Be that as it may, we still seem to end up fighting for our lives almost every day.”

“That’s because you can’t resist picking a fight with every Tevinter you meet, I didn’t think we’d make it out of Cumberland alive after you started that fight in the Diamond Lass.”

“They were slavers.”

“Yes I know they were, but you didn’t need to start swinging your bloody big sword about in the middle of the pub.”

“Says the one who stole the crystal goblets then tried to torch the place down, with us still inside I might add.”

He gently nudged her off her knees with his foot, before pushing her over with both feet. She couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that escaped from her as she sprawled across the floor.

“You ass!”

He smiled wickedly, sitting back in the chair with a smug face. Seeing him smile again cheered her no end. It made what she had to say next that bit harder.

 

“I received another letter from Varric, while we were in Cumberland.”

“Oh? The dwarf enjoying being in the middle of the absolute chaos in southern Thedas? That was a stupid question, of course he is. That man probably sees all the fighting as nothing more than excellent writing fodder. And I hope this Inquisitor doesn’t mind being cheated out of every sovereign they own in Wicked Grace. Little thief still owes a fortune!”

“That’s my best friend you’re talking about.”

“A man is known by the company he keeps, or 'she keeps' in your case. Anyway what does he have to say? You could always  read his letter to me, I like it when you read to me.”

She paused, desperately not wanting to ruin the jovial mood. Fenris noticed her silence immediately, he stood from his chair and came over to her side, kneeling on the hard wooden floor next to her.

“Hawke? Is everything alright?”

“I have to go back, alone.”

“To Kirkwall? Are you mad…”

“To Ferelden. Varric needs my help. The Inquisition needs my help.”

“OK, then we’ll start off tomorrow then. As long as we give Cumberland and the Free Marches a wide berth, we should be safe enough. We could always get a carriage back to Nevarra after this business has concluded with the Inquisition.”

She touched his cheek gently, feeling a sob burn her throat.

“No Fenris, you have to go to Hossberg without me. I have to help Varric.”

“You’re not making any sense Hawke, help Varric with what exactly? And what do you mean go without you?!”

 “You remember Corepheus don’t you? Scary darkspawn magister we released from the warden prison and killed? Yeah well it turns out he’s not dead after all, and he’s the bastard who’s been freeing the demons ravaging Ferelden and Orlais. He’s going to destroy them if I don’t go back. I started this by setting him free, and now I have to finish it. I owe the lives he’s destroyed already that much at least.”

Fenris was silent for a moment as he considered her words. She played nervously with a loose thread on her robes whilst she waited. Whereas once he’d fly off the handle at such news, Fenris now liked to calmly consider his thoughts before acting on big decisions. It was a positive change, she thought, at least one of them wasn’t as impulsive as they used to be. He’d need that new found patience in the coming months.

“I don’t understand, how is Corepheus even still alive? He was in several pieces the last time we saw him, magic can do an awful lot but it can’t bring the bloody dead back to life. He can’t be the person behind all the chaos in the south, it's just not feasible.”

“Varric said something about Warden blood in his letter, something to do with his soul jumping from one tainted body to another. Oh I don’t know how it works, but it did for him. It must have been Commander Larius he jumped to at the end of the fight, we all thought that he was different afterwards. I guess we can only thank the Maker we didn’t bring Anders with us.”

“Hmm. It doesn't seem possible. But I’ve known you too long to think an explanation like that is impossible.  That aside Hawke, if it is him, it isn’t your fault Corepheus is back, you had no choice but to free him. No one could have known he had a way of staying alive. We’ve been through enough already, we don’t have to fight another impossible battle.”

The misery in her throat simmered up and burst out in a strangled sob.

"No, _you_ don’t have to.”

He sighed wearily, “If you need to do this then we’ll do this. But you’re not going on your own Hawke.”

“I won’t be on my own, I’ll have Dog with me!”

“ _Hawke_.”

“I mean it Fenris, I can’t take you with me. You’ve nearly killed yourself trying to keep me out of harm’s way. I can’t let you put yourself in danger for me anymore, I’m going to help Inquisition alone. Please, just go to Hossberg and wait for me there. I promise I’ll come back to you once this is over.”

“Don’t ask me to do this, I left once and I am not leaving you again, ever. If there’s one thing I know it’s that where you are, I belong.”

Tears ran freely down her cheeks, and she turned away to try to wipe them discretely. A dark hand turned her face back toward him, and he softly wiped her wet cheeks with his thumb.

“I’m not going to get my way on this, am I?” he whispered.

She laughed, the sound desperate and hollow.

“Oh Hawke, I’m never going to get my own way with you am I?”

“Probably not, but at least this way you can hunt as many Tevinter slavers as you like without me nagging you.”

He smiled sadly, “You have me there. From you, I guess I’ll always be nagged into doing what I don’t want.”

 

Hawke pulled his face down to kiss him. He’d be safer in Nevarra than he would be helping the Inquisition, even with all the slavers he’d inevitably try to take on. She leave Dog with him, she decided, trying to fight back even more tears. Dog would ensure he wouldn't get into too much trouble.

He darted forward for one last kiss as they broke apart, teeth pulling on her bottom lip.

“Just promise me one thing Hawke.”

“Of course my love.”

“I might be a fool, spent by years of bitterness and defiance, but you’ve got me. If I can’t come with you then I’ll wait for you, for however long it takes. Come back to me Hawke.”

 


End file.
